Letter - 1
First love is always hard to forget no matter how stupid it is or how real it might be. Remember the first time that you ever felt love. The feeling is always very new and terrifying. Strange I would say. But mostly it is the spontaneous excitement and energy of the mind. The young age added by this new feeling is a dangerous combination. Irrational decisions, stubbornness, and stupid dreams of a happy future. If only someone showed us the stark reality of life.
Sometimes first love is always the true love for some, while for others it is just an unforgettable memory of stupid decisions, and for the rest, it is just a non-stop of self-doubting questions. And this goes on without any particular ends.
Love exists surely it does, but true love that is just a fantasy which only some are blessed with.
Love is a mysterious feeling, it can be beautiful and evil at the same time, a sweet-heart and a heart breaker, an excitement, or some kind of reconcilement. It always feels energetic and active at first but slowly it shall too fade. Sometimes I wonder why I couldn’t fully comprehend it. True love is too hard to find, but no matter what everyone will get to experience it, and only some will get to keep it. Maybe one day I will, until then, Espero.
Now, this letter is to you, a Stranger.
You who had come and gone in my life without any warning. I hope I have done justice to the time you have been here.
I really never knew who you were then and who you are now. I just hope you are better than me then and now, and also where ever you are. Even if you were one foot away physically, I would say we were light years apart in every other way. Maybe that is why I never really knew you.
Have we ever talked, we should have, maybe we would have connected in some way or maybe not, I will never know. Some say we did, but I have no memory of our conversation, or maybe that I never tried to. Was I scared? Yes, No, I really don’t know, but you would make it all tensed, anxious, easy, confusing, I really never understood. Did I really want to talk? Guess I still won’t know.
We might be like magnets I suppose, we would repel every time we tried to get close. I didn’t know why, maybe I never really tried changing those sides. If I did, then maybe, we would have, still, I will never know.
But one day that all changed or so I thought, you spoke and I listened. I spoke but nothing made sense, but you still attended. I wasn’t scared because you see I wasn’t in my right mind. But now I am free.
What happened after was that, was I just got thrown, thrown so far and so hard that I was now more than just a few light-years apart. I wasn’t sad but I knew this was really a bad thing but again I didn’t stop because I wasn’t in my right mind, so I kept coming back, again and again. Each time I was thrown double the distance I was thrown the time before.
Did I feel bad? Like I said I wasn’t in my right mind. But this feeling made me desperate. ‘This’ wasn’t you, it was that feeling. I didn’t notice that. Maybe I should have.
Finally, we happened, but that lasted only for a shake. Because now that hit you, ‘we’ will never work. So you became wiser and left. I was still dumb then. You became a Stranger to me even more now than before.
I had fallen out of love, I couldn’t accept it, and my mind was in constant rejection. For a week I felt numb. Sad? No. Why? I didn’t know. Slowly I started accepting it and then came the tears. I cried but only for a minute, a small grievance for what was dead.
In a break-up, first comes the rejection, then comes the depression, and finally the solution. Move On child.
Stranger, you gave me strange feelings and hopes. A strange sense of future. A strange understanding of me. Life would have been different without your presence, Stranger.
Good or bad that I will never know. And I really don’t want to. Like it is said, “If I had to do it all over again I will and without a change”.
With time I forget what your face and smell and voice were like, but I am not reminding myself of you Stranger, not now and not anymore.
But everyone after you Stranger was just a distraction. Distraction from an agonizing pain deep inside.
Even if my history were to be written in so many different ways. Stranger, our time will still be there, unchanged, and still strange. Odd why some people meet anyways.
This was all my mind’s game. It and its stupid emotions. So see you, Stranger, in the next life, or so I shall hope.
Letter - 2
Sometimes it is hard to acknowledge ‘what is’ because our focus is always on ‘what is not’. We start appreciating the ‘what is’ only when it is no more. Such a situation always ends with regret. Regrets without any proper reason.
You will never know who the right person is until time has passed and that person no longer is around.
Appreciate what you have, for that is the greatest joy that can be ever derived without effort.
Life is only memories, full of them, it is like a movie. A movie you made. The best way to appreciate them is to watch and that too through your own eyes. Only you will be able to do that.
Sometimes we make these memories without actually realizing it. Some of these are not that pleasant, but memories don’t have any partiality.
Then there came you, Stranger, and you gave me some that I carry to this day. Recuerdos que nunca olvidaré.
A Stranger I have never met before, and I assure never will.
The Stranger smelled mysterious, the air was heavy as if it wreaked of havoc. What are you Stranger? I am curious to know. Your shadow was darker than the darkest side of the moon. I was terrified, yet I was curious.
You came and left like it was an open door. I noticed, but I was quite. You were unreasonable and childish but I was still quite. You pretend to love someone when I truly was. I became someone else for all but a lie.
Love has many faces, I should have known. Some terrible and others, deceptive. Very few exist that are truly something else. I didn't ask you to leave, but you did, only to return with a mystery I will never be able to understand.
“Men are courageous and strong”, by nature. Said by those men who misunderstood their own.
The world is unfair to some, biased for the rich and powerful. Yet, here I feel powerless. I am scribbling the chaos created between, man and monsters. I now see my world to be grey. Blue skies are now past. I have become nothing but impossible. A virtual dream for nowhere in time. Yet, now I feel fooled.
Like this world, you too, just fooled me. Now the only light has faded. Yet you still stay, and I am bewildered. But here I stop and walk out. For any longer, I may feel insane. Now, I care less of worries that are not mine.
Life is pointless without a purpose. But I am lost in the very definition of life. Drowning in my own debt of sadness and sorrow. Darkness everywhere now, all judgments clouded by doubt and betrayal. It was hell and worse.
Tears shall not wash all the dirt you have left. Waves crashing wouldn’t be dramatic, but your presence shall bring emotions I may not be able to understand or control.
Exorcism may never work for you are the ghost that is still living. The doors for me to escape has closed I am trapped with a monster of greater power, show no mercy for death is safer than the living. Your beauty in this state is still untampered. Love has been replaced by something else entirely.
I am not curious, for I know what has taken its place, I dare not say the word, for in the word lies the start of a greater doom. I believe less in the idea of a savior, for no one else can do nay in the state I have brought upon myself.
J’espère ne plus jamais te revoir, même si ma vie en dépend.
Letter - 3
Distance is sometimes the thorn of most relationships. It is a factor that creates rifts between two people. The presence of one's love next to them ensures the mind for the better.
Long-distance relations work in some cases, but in most, they tend to go apart. Sometimes both sides make a mature decision for the best. While in others one party tends to be more emotionally inclined and confused. Such parties show a state of self-destruction.
Understanding what is best for the other is the only way in ensuring a healthy relationship.
Stranger, your face is distant and I tend to search every strange crowd I come across. The search continued but somewhere I forgot what I was looking for.
You were something else, something I never saw coming, something I never asked for. I still wonder to this day why you chose me, and why I chose you. There was nothing wrong, but then there was nothing right too.
I wasn’t confused, I wasn’t sad and I wasn’t there. The thought of not having you made me restless beyond any certain control. The longing to hear your voice only made me wary to wait. I jumped impatiently at the words of your mind.
Your laughs were contagious, your smiles vibrated a strange sense of happiness.
Your ways never deceived me but somewhere along I was convinced, “You were different”. 'That', drawn me towards you. I couldn’t pull apart, or I never tried.
My mind was filling a hole that never seems to be full. A hole I presumed to never have existed before till then. A hole that appeared out of nowhere and that seemed to have depths unto infinity.
Somehow you were the bigger hole I was being pulled into.
Your heart, pure and warm, as if it has never seen a dry winter before. I was scared to bring chaos and sadness upon a world that wanted neither. My mind was cautious and racing, I seem to lose focus.
Time and distance grew as though they were children of destruction, waiting for the moment to wreak sorrow upon those undeserving, surely I deserved but you had nothing to be blamed.
Our bond was like a strand string, one whose tension grew to a point of no return. I was hanging on the loser, trying to pull myself up, but I knew I would only drag you down, but at what cost. Your heart was still warm. I wonder the damage it could bring, for I made a decision to the best of both for if I go down, then I alone shall travel for she has a place brighter than where I reach.
The way down is dark and I shall die, but I promise to reborn with those memories washed afresh. You Stranger has never hurt me for that I am thankful and always will be.
But something happened, a shake before the final blow, I saw you, there, ready to help but then you didn’t, as if changed by the thoughts of your own personal gain. You looked at me and we conveyed the same, this is what was best for the both of us. I smiled, reminding myself, you never hurt me and I shall never forget that.
I promise you when I wake up, or if I ever do, I shall come to visit you without you knowing. For in that way I shall truly appreciate who you have become.
Now as I see, the experience of those fateful days from all you Strangers, then and there.
“The air around was thick and heavy, the sky above was dark and dense. Light all around swirled as though all colors light and dark, discovered and yet to be converged to form a singular”.
A great man’s word and I shall quote,
“Nous ne sommes jamais nés pour comprendre l’amour ou la haine, seulement par des expériences et l’affichage nous saurons jamais vraiment ce sentiment”.
The idea is to find love when there is absolutely none to start with. Love is hard. To love is madness but to be loved takes only the insane.
Part - 2 of Strange Letters releasing soon.
Thank you for all your support, hope you had enjoyed what I had written even if you guys haven't understood a word.
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(Disclaimer, none of the above-mentioned characters or events are from real life. Any similarities with stories written previously are just pure coincidence)
By Raphael Khaleel